Award-nominated Brum-based style blogger. Keen on sustainability + minimalism. Big fan of chocolate-coated pretzels.

On Friendship | Quality vs Quantity

On Friendship | Quality vs Quantity

 

I’ve never been someone who kept count of how many friends I have. I know that I have wonderful a selection of people in my life who are there for me no matter what, and I don’t need to reach a certain number of these people to be happy.

 

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When you work in an industry that relies largely on social media, engagement is what counts. Gone are the days of follower counts as the be-all and end-all of online success or respect – you have to prove that you actually interact with others, too. As a people person, I love this part of social media (and real-life)!

 

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The importance of gaining as many connections as you can in your professional life, however, does not translate to the personal bonds you should have in your personal life.

Now, I’m not saying these two elements are totally separate – in fact, they’re becoming more and more interlinked thanks to social media itself – but I’m sure you know what I mean when I say you have people you know and get along with and people you love to spend time with, but you also have the people with whom your bond is unbreakable; those who you would trust with just about anything.

 

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However, it seems that the pressure to be friends with everyone is at an all time high – whether that’s to namedrop, to prove you’re a nice person, or simply to feel better about your own self worth. Each of these is something your self-worth is (at least partially) relying on and each one depends on the approval of others.

I find this pretty terrifying.

It’s not something I find myself worrying about – like I said, I’m so much happier surrounding myself with ten unconditionally kind and loving people than ten thousand (a bit of an exaggeration but you know what I mean!) acquaintances, or people who I smile at and meet for coffee once every couple of months and never actually develop a real friendship with.

 

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What’s the point in spending time with as many people as you can, simply so you can spend time with as many people as you can?

What about making memories with people who you know you’ll still be having wine nights in with in fifty years? People you know you’ll still text in a year’s time and have a million things to say?

 

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I’ve learned from experience that there are very (and I mean VERY) few people that will be your friend through thick and thin (I still don’t know whether ‘thick’ or ‘thin’ is the good one in this phrase – any thoughts?). I’m sure this is why I’m so selective with people I let into my life – it takes a long time for me to trust someone, and to truly believe that they’re not going to let me down.

But at the end of the day, it’s always worth it. Trust me. There’s a tiny amount of absolutely incredible people out there.

When it comes to friendship, I vote quality over quantity every time.

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11 Comments

  1. November 3, 2018 / 6:41 PM

    Absolutely agree. I am very sociable and I love to meet and be surrounded by new people but I am also VERY aware that there are only few people I can always count on, whether that means they’d bail me out of jail or listen to my complaints about my boyfriend at 2 AM every day. I think I have naturally ‘filtered’ my friends when I moved to London and found out who is willing to invest time and energy into keeping in touch with me. But I love those few people to bits and I have better time with them than I’d have with hundred people. Very nice post about thing we need to be reminded of in this crazy social media world! xx A.

    • Nati
      Author
      November 2, 2018 / 9:43 AM

      Agreed! x

  2. October 31, 2018 / 6:25 PM

    100% agree with everything you said! I much prefer having a couple of really close friends who I can trust and be myself around rather than a big group and maybe not be able to form friendships which are so close. Such a relatable post, loved it as always!xx

    • Nati
      Author
      November 2, 2018 / 9:44 AM

      Thank you Elin – so glad you like the post! x

  3. October 30, 2018 / 5:40 PM

    I totally agree with you. It’s something I think about a lot. So many people seem so obsessed with having a large social circle but it doesn’t suit this introvert!

    • Nati
      Author
      November 2, 2018 / 9:44 AM

      Haha, totally relatable! x

  4. October 30, 2018 / 11:42 AM

    Agreed a 100%! I’ve lived all over Europe and in only one of those many countries (in addition to my home country) I formed friendships that are so solid and important to me that I travel back to meet them all once a year. It takes a toll on my already small travel budget/year but keeping those friendships alive and well is completely worth it all! 🙂

    Teresa | outlandishblog.com

    • Nati
      Author
      November 2, 2018 / 9:46 AM

      Hi Teresa! Wow, that’s so fascinating – I’d love to hear/read more about your experiences living around Europe! That’s so lovely to hear – the friendships that are worth it are worth any amount of spending to make them continue! x

  5. October 29, 2018 / 1:07 PM

    This is a really interesting topic I’ve never really thought much about. It’s true that we just want to become friends with everyone and want everyone to like us and it’s partially an ego thing. With all the hatred and negativity online we want to prove that we’re not like that and we’re liked by all. However that is unrealistic and can be quite toxic. We can’t all be liked by everyone and that’s okay, it’s okay to not be besties with everyone. Just be kind and civilised and the good will come back to you. Awesome post!
    Alex x
    http://allthingsalexx.wordpress.com

    • Nati
      Author
      November 2, 2018 / 9:47 AM

      Hey Alex, thank you so much for such a lovely and thoughtful comment. I’m so glad you like the post and I completely agree with everything you’ve said here – so happy to have started this discussion! x

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