Award-nominated Brum-based style blogger. Keen on sustainability + minimalism. Big fan of chocolate-coated pretzels.

When Friendship Lasts A Minute

When Friendship Lasts A Minute

I adore meeting new people and hearing about their past achievements, what they’re loving right now and what their goals are for the future. I enjoy giving time, energy and love to people that inspire me. I love investing in new people and new friendships, because some people are simply incredible.

At the same time, it can be difficult coming to the realisation that a friendship you were invested in is not going to continue.

I experienced this around half way through my first year of university, and I want to discuss the lessons I learned from it.

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I had become incredibly close with two girls on my course – we would stay up all night chatting about everything and anything over hot chocolates and cookies. We organised special birthday treats for each other. Our group chat pretty much received more messages daily than Twitter receives tweets. We would be there for each other in an instant, getting a 3AM Uber within seconds of receiving a text that someone felt low, making sure to bring excessive instant-lattes and chicken nuggets and from our favourite chip shop, if necessary.

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As second term approached, one member of our little girl power trio decided not to continue at our university. Whilst this was a shock to my other best-uni-friend and to me, we knew that she wouldn’t have made the decision if she didn’t 100% feel that it was the best thing for her.

Before we knew it, she’d moved out of the city. We were no longer spending every other evening walking down the side street that leads to her building and the constant stream of iMessages suddenly slowed to a halt. Our friend stopped texting us not out of spite, but simply because she was too busy building a brand new life in a brand new city.

Our new term began and I found myself continuing as before, continuing to study the course I love, meeting a range of new, inspiring people along the way. It was odd to hang out as a duo after each lecture, but it’s not like the connection between my other friend and I had changed. I talked to her about all the exciting opportunities our university was offering us, and how great and adventure it is to be on together.

She found things more difficult.

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After opening up to the girl who’d dropped out, she struggled to cope with the fact that she wouldn’t be able to maintain the same level of intimacy and depth in their friendship anymore. She was devastated that the friendship we would have built with this girl over the course of our degree was no longer going to be possible, and that she’d spent three months investing in a friendship that ended so abruptly.

I didn’t understand this. I remember very distinctly when I sat down with her, wiping her tears, saying ‘This is just what happens. Not every friendship is going to last forever. You click with someone and then something comes up’. Looking back, that definitely wasn’t helpful. I guess I hadn’t quite worked it out either.

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In hindsight, I’ve reached a better way that I should have phrased it (I know – bit late, Nati). I’ve come to the conclusion that some friendships are only meant to last for a minute (well, a very short space of time).  You’re meant to meet different people at different times in your life, and those times are when you both need that connection. You both build on that friendship as individuals and find yourselves moving forward in different directions. You might have less in common, you might want different things, but you were there for each other when you needed it most. When that friendship comes to an end, so to does that chapter of your life, and that’s okay.

Turn the page and get ready to start fresh, because maybe your next friendship will last forever. And that’s pretty exciting.

I found Lily Pebbles’ The F Word so lovely and therapeutic to read as a way of making sense of the weird and wonderful world of female friendship, and I’d highly recommend it – in fact, I wrote a review on it here.

The guys at the chip-shop must really miss the group of giggling girls who wanted as many chicken nuggets and sachets of BBQ sauce they could get for £5.

Yeah, I doubt it too.

featured image: Woke Brown Fem
illustrations: Tyler Feder

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21 Comments

  1. August 2, 2018 / 2:16 AM

    This was so wonderfully worded. The whole time I was reading it I was nodding my head and mumbling “that’s right”. Thank you for sharing!

    • Nati
      Author
      October 15, 2018 / 12:29 PM

      Aw thank you so much! That really means a lot! x

  2. mkvadnais
    July 29, 2018 / 3:29 PM

    Very wise insights Nati! Thank you for sharing!

    • Curated by Nati
      July 30, 2018 / 7:17 PM

      Aww thank you! I’m so glad you like the post and that you’re enjoying my blog!

  3. July 27, 2018 / 6:25 AM

    Such an important topic to talk about, thanks Nati. I think it’s a real problem that we don’t give as much airtime to the concept of friend “break ups” as we do romantic ones, and how some can be mutual, or painful, or heartbreaking, and some are just natural driftings as we get older. It’s a lovely sentiment to think that we can appreciate what a friendship gave us whilst knowing it was only meant to last for so long.

    Have you heard of Text Me When You Get Home by Kayleen Schaefer? it’s a non-fiction about female friendship which I haven’t read, but your post reminded me about it!

    • Curated by Nati
      July 30, 2018 / 7:18 PM

      Hey Alice! Thank you so much for such a sweet comment – I’m so glad you like the post and that you completely understand where I’m coming from. I hadn’t heard of Text Me When You Get Home – just ordered it on Amazon! Thank you for the recommendation – looking forward to checking it out! X

  4. July 26, 2018 / 10:59 AM

    “You’re meant to meet different people at different times in your life, and those times are when you both need that connection.”
    I’ve always known that some friendships only lasts a while and others last a lifetime, but I’ve never thought about why that is. And omg that line right there 👆 perfectly answers it. Because you’re right, the friendship happens when you both needed it, however that need may look. Lovely post!
    xx Kate | allthetrinkets.wordpress.com

    • Curated by Nati
      July 30, 2018 / 7:19 PM

      Hey Kate! Thank you so much for such a lovely comment – I’m so glad you like the post and that it resonates with you in terms of feelings on the topic itself. Have a wonderful week!

  5. July 26, 2018 / 10:22 AM

    Beautifully written! I really needed this reminder to turn the page. Thank you!

    • Curated by Nati
      July 30, 2018 / 7:20 PM

      Hey there – I’m so glad you like the post and that it gave you the boost you needed!

  6. July 26, 2018 / 10:11 AM

    I’m in uni right now and have just experienced this. I recently faded with a few friends I considered sisters and it really, really hurt. Thank you for sharing this. x

    Arshi | notesfromarshi.com

    • Curated by Nati
      July 30, 2018 / 7:21 PM

      Hey Arshi, I’m so sorry to hear you’ve experienced this and I hope that this post can give you the reminder that there’s bigger, better friendships waiting for you ahead – you’re doing great, I promise! X

  7. July 25, 2018 / 6:15 PM

    I genuinely really needed to read this, I struggle with losing relationships with people because it’s hard for me to understand that not everybody is meant to stay in your life, but that doesn’t mean you should cherish the time you had together any less (: this was a great post!

    • Curated by Nati
      July 30, 2018 / 7:22 PM

      Hey Kelsey, I’m so glad my post came at the right time for you. I hope you’re able to look back at it as a reminder to trust that you’re doing great, no matter how certain friendships might turn out. X

  8. July 25, 2018 / 1:39 PM

    I found your words very wise, Nati. There’s a saying that goes along the lines of ‘People come into your life for a reason, a season or for life” – and as I’ve grown older I’ve found that to be true. What sometimes surprises me is the category that friends end up falling into – several friendships that I’ve thought would last for life have, in fact, fallen by the wayside. But that is all part of life’s rich pattern – we have to learn to embrace life’s unpredictability and embrace all of our friendships, however long they last.

    • Curated by Nati
      July 30, 2018 / 7:24 PM

      Hey Liz! Thank you for such a lovely comment – I’m so glad you’re enjoying my blog and that you like this post. I agree 100% – friendships never turn out the way you expect them to, which can be difficult but can also be wonderful! Have a lovely week x

  9. July 24, 2018 / 9:04 PM

    I have really struggled with the idea of friendships only lasting a short while over the last couple of years as I have found some of my best friends drift away and make new memories with others. On another note a band I like called Against The Current have a song called Strangers Again and I really enjoy listening to it because it’s about those people you’re glad aren’t in your life anymore.

    Rachael – geminiexplicit.blogspot.co.uk

    • Curated by Nati
      July 30, 2018 / 7:26 PM

      Hi Rachael! I’m so sorry to hear this is something you’ve struggled with but I hope this post can be a reminder that you aren’t doing anything wrong. Thank you for the music recommendation – I’ll go and have a listen now! In terms of being glad someone isn’t in your life anymore, I like this quotation: ‘It’s so nice when toxic people leave your life. It’s like the trash took itself out.’

      Have a wonderful week!

  10. ruthinrevolt
    July 24, 2018 / 8:35 PM

    This is very true, Nati. Some of my closest friends from when I was younger are now practically strangers because we grew in different directions. For a while, I was upset about it, and now I see that’s probably how it was supposed to go. Other friends have lasted much longer, and other people have come into my life, and that’s just life.

    • Curated by Nati
      July 30, 2018 / 7:27 PM

      Hey Ruth! I have the exact same experience – it’s so lovely to speak to people who get it. I’m really glad you like the post – thank you for such a lovely comment!

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